Are you grossly unfuckable?
Are you unreasonably rude?
Do you own clunky brown boots?
Would you have a problem with rolling your eyes at everyone?
Do you know the definition of "mail?" Can you snottily explain it foreigners?
Can you talk about your personal life, loudly, while using a rubber stamp and/or stapler?
Based on my experience, I'd say all applicants must respond "yes" to any or all of the above questions to qualify for employment.